My Senior Is Pulling Away From Me: 5 Ways You Can Help!
Is your senior pulling away from you this year? I hear this from so many moms, and I feel ya! Every year it happens. I’ve had this happen to me three times, and it was hard every time for different reasons!
Some, if not most of this process is natural. But, you may be contributing to the speed at which this is happening. Here are some ways to be aware and make sure that you can preserve your last few precious moments with you senior.
Pulling away from us can take a lot of forms and it is really sad and it is awful -and it is natural.
During this year, your seniors are going to be pulling away from you. It can be bad attitude. It can be the fact that they just don’t want to talk to us. It can be them being not nice to us and to their siblings.
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What can I do when my senior is pulling away?
Don’t feel like if your teen is doing any of these things that they’re the only one. because I can assure you that they’re not the only one, and you are not alone! So, what can we do?
My Senior Is Pulling Away: Things are going to change -prepare them!
Preparation is so important, and yet we forget to give our teens a heads up about how traumatic senior year can be. We get caught up in all the fun and exciting things, that we forget all the angst.
There are many decisions that our teens need to make. College? If college, then where? What is needed for all the applications? Is there enough money? What will they need to know? Do they know enough? Are they smart enough for college? Are their grades good enough to even get in? Will they even like it once they are there?
I am exhausted just thinking about all of these worries, and this is just if college is in the works!
Not college, then what? Trade school? Military? Gap year? Where will they live? What will people say? What will my parents think if I don’t want to go to college? Etc…
So… let your child know that you are there for them no matter what their decision is–even if you don’t like the decision. This will be HARD. Be supportive. Listen. Encourage them to make a pros/cons list to make decisions.
And, note to ourselves, this is their life. This is probably one of the biggest decisions that they will have to make for a long while, so be open to their thoughts and decision making process!
#1 My Senior Is Pulling Away: Don’t assume that you know what they are thinking
Seniors have to pull away from us as their parents. They’re also pulling away from friends. Their friendship groups might be changing. This is a big year of transition for all things. They have one million things going through their heads as I mention above. Sometimes just sitting together with your teen and NOT talking is okay too. Give them time to process things that are evolving.
#2 My Senior Is Pulling Away: Talk about what they are interested in
It’s not about you. Write your teen a note and ask if they need anything from you. If they want to ask any questions. If they have any concerns. Be available. Listen more than you talk. Give encouragement.
Ask them what they are thinking, but be okay if they are not ready to talk. Ask them if you can schedule a time in the future to talk because this is too important to assume they know what they are doing!
#3 My Senior Is Pulling Away: Balance giving freedom and still have control
This is a year that you really need to start letting them have more freedom. It will not be easy, but they are ready, and even if you are not, they need to start to have experiences that will test their problem solving skills. They need to learn to be in situations that will provide learning -while you are still nearby for support.
This is a time for talking about situations that they might encounter in their future at college or wherever they might end up. Help your teen to think through and talk through different scenarios. Let them know you have faith in them. Give them opportunities leading up to their departure that will build up their confidence.
Have you read our post about all the “things” when your teen turns 18?
#4 My Senior Is Pulling Away: Before they are gone, let them go
This means in your heart, you need to accept that they will be gone soon. This is the saddest feeling. It is so hard to do, but you need to start getting used to them being gone more and more.
They will have been gradually becoming more independent over the years. There will be decisions they will make that you may not agree with, in addition to those that will you will be proud of. It will be a wild emotional ride…
#5 My Senior Is Pulling Away: Be patient
We need to be patient with our seniors, and it is so hard because it hurts. The feels are just non-stop! Not only is it an exciting time because of all the things… their senior picture, prom, graduation, all night party… But, there are other “lasts” which are heartbreaking… final game, last school play, last carpool.
So, if you have a friend who says to you, “My senior is pulling away from me,” give her the biggest hug! She needs it so badly!
**Remember, once they turn 18, there are some legal forms that your teen needs to have. Read all about it in this post.
My Senior Is Pulling Away: Final Thoughts
Senior year is a wonderful time. It s also such a bittersweet time in the life of parents. If we have done our job well, then our kids will fly the coop at some point after they graduate. There are many circumstances that will affect the timing of their departure, so hang in there. Help them to become more independent this year as they try to pull away from you. My heart goes out to you!
Other notes:
I made a YouTube video all about when your senior pulls away from you here!
A great resource for beginning those conversations is my book: College Bound: The Ultimate List Of Conversations To Help Your Teen Through High School. I wrote it between the time that my oldest was in 8th grade and finished it once he was in college while we were having these conversations with his younger brothers. Here is a post that goes along with having conversations.
*Does your student have Student Prime at Amazon? There are so many advantages to this including the price! Discounts on the following: flights, tutoring, the Calm app, GrubHub, Prime videos and gaming, textbook purchases and rentals, Amazon photos, fashion Prime “try before you buy”, early access to Amazon lightening deals, and Whole Foods, and so much more!! Sign up for a 6-month trial here!
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